Happiness

It's Monday. I have the day off, and a ton of laundry to to. I also need to run to the bank and deposit a little check. Not much, but it works. Anywho, before doing that, I want to clear my head and update everyone on this funny little thing I call my life.

This has potential to be one of my most personal posts, and probably will not include many (if any) photos. But I promise it will not last long. I just want all my wonderful readers to be on the same page, and hey, this is my blog and I can write whatever I want in it. Here goes....

Brian and I broke up. Yep, it's true. This is the main reason I wanted to type this up today, to let you all know that things are still good. Not many break-up stories have happy endings, but I think ours might. Sometimes people just change, you know? There came a point this summer, after we had moved out here to Rapid, where I sat back and really just felt through my heart instead of my head. Things just didn't seem right anymore. I tried to ignore it, and I tried to make myself feel the same as I had before, but that feeling was gone. So instead of trying to force something that wasn't there, which is sort of what I had been doing all summer, I decided it wasn't fair to either of us.

It wasn't easy. It was by far the most difficult conversation I've ever had with someone. But it was real, and it was true. I know some people have tried to make sense of things. They've tried to figure it all out. They've tried to accuse me of "planning this" or "using him" or whatever. But the only truth here is that lying to myself and to Brian was just not right. It was not fair. I am hoping some of you read this and understand that. It was never my intention when we moved out here. Had I known this would have happened, I would have saved us ALL a lot of headache and just rented out a place from my employer. It would have been a million times easier from the beginning. So please, please, before you try to figure it all out, just know that sometimes there's no reasonable solution. Sometimes you just have to follow your heart.

That said, Brian and I are, and will always be, great friends. Yeah, yeah, everyone says that...But it is true here. When there are no hard feelings, no big dramatic fights, no real problems, it is possible to remain friends. I think he is an amazing guy and he deserves nothing but the best. My heart just wasn't in it anymore, and that is no way to treat someone who means a lot to you. It was not the best.

We are still living together here in Rapid City, until I can find a place back in Eastern SD. (Which we talked about, and he is fine with staying here and waiting out the lease on the apartment.) We still hang out, we still talk and laugh and have fun. When he's not working the evening shift, we still have supper together and we still sit around and watch TV and be lazy piles together. Things just feel better now. Not having the pressure of forcing a relationship has helped us both to be happy here finally.

So hopefully this clears things up for everyone. As much as I appreciate all my friends and family telling me they love me on my facebook relationship status change, and all the texts and comments saying you're sorry to hear the news, and everyone else who is thinking it but hasn't said anything....I just want you to know that this has been a good thing. Who knows where life will take us now. But at the moment, I know this is where I'm supposed to be. This is right.

Just happiness. It is as complicated and as simple as that.